Love Yourself: Confidence 101

With Valentines Day coming up, I thought that this post would be super appropriate!

(Image Source: Google)

Ah Valentines Day. You either love it or you hate/don’t care for it, there is rarely ever an in between!
If you’re pro Valentines Day, you’ve probably had quite a few good experiences related to that day. However, if you don’t care too much about it like myself, it’s probably because you know that
1) you don’t need a designated day to express your love
or 2) you’ve been single for most of your life and everything related to love disgusts you.
(Can you guess which one I am?)
Regardless of which one it is and whether you’re single or in a relationship, today we will be talking about the importance of loving your own, darn self!

Before we begin, I would like to put a large viewer discretion over this post: I am not an expert nor are my opinions the law of the world, I’m just an average girl who has experienced a lot and has a lot of ideas in regards to this topic!

Now, Why is it important to love yourself?
Have you ever heard of the saying “You have to love yourself in order to love someone else?”
While there are some gray areas regarding that quote, I do believe in that saying to be, for the most part, true.
In order to fully commit to someone else, you must first learn how to commit to yourself.
When I was much younger, I struggled a lot with loving myself.
It was quite extreme and to the point where I wasn’t completely happy with myself even though I had a significant other who loved and cared for me.
Eventually, our relationship ended. I couldn’t provide that sort of love and attention towards him because I wasn’t confident in myself and didn’t care about myself enough.
Although you can certainly be in a relationship with someone else and not be completely confident in yourself, I believe that in order for a relationship to fully grow, you need to learn how to not only care about your partner, but also yourself. Only in that way, will the two of you learn how to grow together.

I know what you’re thinking: What if I don’t want to be in a relationship and How does this relate to my confidence?
It’s fine if you don’t want to be in a relationship! It is however, equally important for you to practice self love, because it’s for your own mental health and for you to learn how to care for yourself!
Learning how to appreciate yourself is so important and doing so without having a partner in mind is amazing! No one knows what the future will bring, and having a good mentality towards yourself can lead you to many great places and people!
As for its relation to confidence, well….although self love and confidence can be viewed as two separate entities, I tend to correlate them with one another because having confidence and believing in yourself is one of the many ways to put yourself first and to love yourself!

Confidence is tricky, and it took a while for me to become a more confident person!
In fact, every day I am still learning and teaching myself ways to gain confidence and grow!
Here are some tips and tricks to help you become more confident and indulge in your self love! These things are small things that have helped me feel better about myself!

 1. Starting your day on a positive note!
When you wake up in the morning, fill your mind with positive thoughts regarding yourself and your day. Tell yourself that whatever challenges lie ahead in this day that you WILL conquer them and that you CAN defeat them. It’s always important to be positive, and having these thoughts so early on in the day ensures that the rest of your day, regardless of how difficult, starts off on a good note!

2. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re beautiful.
This one is a little bit awkward to do. But it works wonders, I swear!
Although I always have a hard time with this one, I stick with the 1 negative and 2 positive rule.
In the past, I thought the worst of my physical features. So when I looked in the mirror, all I would see is my round nose, uneven eyes, and lack of eyebrows. So when I looked in the mirror, I’d end up critiquing my appearance by saying: “I don’t like that my nose is so round”. But I learned to follow up my negative comments with things like: “Even though my nose is round, I like how straight the bridge of my nose is and that the skin on my nose is quite smooth.”
This way, even if all you see when you look in the mirror are your imperfections, you can find the positive areas surrounding them and you can really tell yourself that there are parts of yourself that are quite lovely and beautiful.

3. Get something that makes you feel confident!
Although physical features are really just a small part of building your confidence they can definitely become a small step in feeling more confident.
For example: Getting a new hair cut, colouring your hair, getting a new shirt/jeans/jacket/shirt/skirt dress etc etc, getting a cool tattoo, getting some edgy piercings… although these are all modifications to your physical features, if you FEEL cooler and FEEL more beautiful with these things, then by all means, bask in that feeling and rock it!

4. Treat yourself!
With how busy we tend to get in our daily lives, its often very easy to forget to treat ourselves. Whether its to a new outfit, a favourite drink/snack on your way home from work or school, a massage, a facial, a relaxing evening in, nothing says I love you more like doing something special for someone, even when it’s yourself.

5. Accept compliments!
Growing up with two immigrant Chinese parents, I never really understood the concept of accepting compliments. In our household, compliments and encouragements were rarely spoken. My parents believed that negative reinforcement was the best motivation in life and so I was rarely told that I did a good job when I achieved any sort of accomplishment.
But learning to accept compliments is SO important.
Do you ever notice how easy it is for you to compliment others, but when someone compliments you, you get all flustered and don’t really know how to react?
The next time this happens, smile and say “Thank You” instead of denying it or getting all embarrassed.
Although being a humble person is a good thing, there is a very thin line between being humble and not believing in yourself. With a simple “Thank You” you can make sure that you do not fall into the latter.

6. Learn to forgive yourself!
I have a lot of issues with this one!
In life, we are our biggest critics! So it’s no surprise that often, we are very hard on ourselves. Whether its a mistake we made, or one that we THINK we made (because lets be honest, sometimes things are much more serious and exaggerated from our own perspectives, when in reality to other people, it’s no big deal!) , we are always going to be the harshest critics of those things.
Instead of berating yourself with questions like “Why did I do this?” “Why couldn’t I have done that?” learn how to let go of all those questions and forgive yourself.
Only when you learn how to do that, will you be able to move on.
Besides, when you make mistakes, you learn from them as well. Only in this way can we constantly improve and become better people!

And last but not least…

7. Fake it ’till you make it!
As weird as it sounds, having confidence is often like putting on a big act!
Even the most confident person in the world has days when they don’t believe in themselves.
However, the key to not succumbing to this, is to tell yourself that you are great, that you can do whatever you put your mind to, and that you’re an amazing person.
Regardless of how nice and kind you are, there will always be someone in the world who has something negative to say about you.
But as long as you hold your head up high and convince yourself (even if you don’t fully believe in it) that they’re wrong, you will begin to believe that it is actually true.
This little tip will help you through so many difficult times in your life, because as soon as you say you can, you start believing, even if it’s just a little bit, that you most certainly can.

Annnd that’s it!
These tips and tricks have seen me through many difficult times in my life and when I look back a few years into the past, I can definitely see how much I’ve grown and changed; from someone who put everyone else’s interests before my own , I have certainly learned how to put myself first…or as close to it as I can get!

Life is a learning process and we are constantly trying to figure things out. If you can’t change how you feel about yourself right away, there is no pressure nor any rush, you will get there regardless of how long it will take.
So this Valentines day, whether you’re in a loving relationship, single, or in love with your cat (that’s me!) , treat yourself to something nice!
Remind yourself the importance of self love and as the beautiful Lucille Ball once said…

(Image Source: Google)

Happy Valentines Day everyone!


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